July 3, 2016
I need to share a secret with you. I have discovered that
the person sitting on your left is a liar. Interestingly, I have also discovered that the person
sitting on your right is a liar. And you are hopefully not at all surprised to
learn that the person sitting in your seat is also a liar.
According to research, 60% of people cannot go 10 minutes
without lying. On average, we tell between 10 and 200 lies every day. We lie to
our parents, our friends, and even strangers. We tell lies to fit in. We lie to
make ourselves look better. We lie to feel good about ourselves. We lie to gain
advantage. We lie to hide our weakness. We lie to shift blame. We lie to avoid
confrontation. Some lies are small, others are big. But the truth is, we are
all liars.
Just think about it: We lie about our weight, we lie about
our age, we lie about how much we drink, we lie about the websites we visit, we
lie about our abilities. We lie to ourselves and others about all sorts of seemingly
trivial things – maybe you call it stretching the truth. And sadly, too often these
seemingly trivial lies lead to bigger lies – lies about things that really
matter.
Paul’s letter to the Romans says in chapter 3: “There is no
one who is righteous, not even one... Their throats are opened graves; they use
their tongues to deceive... There is no fear of God before their eyes.”
No one is righteous, not even one. Lying is like the air we
breathe! Of course, we learn to lie early. By 6 months most babies know they
can cry to gain attention. By age 4, 90% of children have learned to lie to get
what they want. I suspect most of us told the “I don’t feel good, I can’t go to
school today” lie.
Friends, I bring this up today because I am overwhelmed by
the amount of deception I am encountering every day. Through Financial Peace University a whole group
of us are being challenged to face the truth about our finances – and let me
tell you, it is painful. But the thing that is even more painful is the reality
that our youth are being caught in really dangerous lies – lies that can
significantly impact their futures. Heartbreaking lies. While I have been
wrestling with ways to respond, the tipping point came this week when a
colleague confessed to me that she had lied to her congregation.
Friends we are in the midst of a deception epidemic. And I
am at a loss.
A Catholic priest once asked me whether I preached sermons
or homilies. When I asked the difference he said that a homily unpacked a
passage in scripture and a sermon spoke on a theme. Normally I preach homilies
– I love wrestling with the text assigned for the day. And our texts for today
are awesome! But today I feel called to preach a sermon. I need to speak about
deception. Because we all know deception is not of God. God is light; in him
there is no darkness at all. Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.
Let me speak to three specific points about deception and
truth telling:
- Our Moral Code
- The Slippery Slope
- Truth Seeking
#1 – Our Moral Code
Have you over noticed that we say lying is wrong – that lying
is a sin – but we still do it? Have you ever wondered why? Let me share two
stories:
Do you remember Koko the gorilla? Koko knew basic sign
language and had a kitten as a companion. Apparently one day Koko tore the
kitchen sink off the wall. She then communicated through sign language that the
cat had done it. Perhaps Koko feared punishment. Perhaps Koko didn’t want to
disappoint her care provider. Isn’t it interesting that even a gorilla can lie?
I also read this week about dolphins that are trained to
detect submerged mines and enemy divers. They are trained through positive
reinforcement – getting lots of fish when they find an enemy mine.
Interestingly, this leads them to lie – identifying a mine when there isn’t one
just to get the fish. The trainers keep working with them, changing the reward
system, until they are reliable. But even a dolphin will lie, just to get a
reward.
You might say we learn to lie as a way to preserve ourselves
and our families. Think of Rahab – she lied about the spies so that her family
would be saved. Or Corrie ten Boom and others like her, who hid Jews in their
homes during World War II. They lied to save the lives of others. And I wonder:
Does this make lying acceptable? Is lying ever okay?
Dan Ariely has done extensive research on lying and our
moral code. We are all likely to cheat a little bit, just to feel good about
ourselves. In a simple study, he gave two groups of college students a quiz
with 20 math problems. After 5 minutes he told them to stop. The first group
was given $1 for every completed problem. On average each person got $4. The
second group was told to rip up their paper and report the number of problems they
had completed. On average each person got $7, stretching the truth just a
little.
He then repeated the study, with the students tearing up
their papers and reporting their results after 5 minutes. But this time he had
an actor stand up after 30 seconds and claim to be done. He gave the actor $20
and the actor walked out. And here’s the thing that is so interesting. All of
the students were from one university. The actor was wearing a sweatshirt from
that university in the first group, and from a rival university in the second
group. When the students saw the person from their university walk out with $20
they, on average, walked out with $10. When they saw the person from their
rival university walk out, they on average, walked out with $5.
Friends, there are many reasons we lie. But the bottom line
is that we learn to lie from our family and our friends. Every time our children
see us driving 65 in a 55 mile per hour zone, our children are learning. Every
time we participate in a lie – when we become willing participants in the lie –
we are causing harm to ourselves and to our community. And this hurts God.
#2 – The Slippery
Slope
Let’s face it. We’ve all told lies that really make no
difference. It can be as simple as responding “I’m fine” when someone asks how
you are doing. Or as minor as “Sorry I’m late – there was traffic.” Or as small
as “I just found your email – for some reason it ended up in my spam folder.”
But the potential is there for these small lies become
habits. You start lying about lying. You know you were late because you left
the house late. But you tell yourself you left the house late because you needed
to finish up something when in truth you didn’t want to go to the meeting in
the first place. Half truths. Rationalizations.
And as you lie about lying you can develop a habit of lying.
It gets easier with each lie. And that twinge of awareness begins to fade. You
quit feeling guilty about the lies. This leads you to start believing the lies
you tell others. This self-deception is incredibly dangerous. Once you reach
this point, while you may still be seeking the Light, you are well on your way
to the dark side.
Let me provide an example: A married man became friends with
a woman in his office. She often stopped by his desk to chat. They began having
lunch together. Initially he felt this twinge of guilt – after all, he was
married. But he kept lying to himself. It was just lunch – nothing more. He
wasn’t cheating on his wife – they were just eating together. There was nothing
wrong.
Friends, we all recognize this as a slippery slope. The
devil really is a liar and the father of lies! It is so easy to start
rationalizing our lies, to justify them as a positive good! Our lunch
conversations will help the business grow! Our lunch conversations are giving
me more to talk about with my wife each night. Our lunch conversations are good
for my soul! Not.
And our desire to feel good about ourselves leads to broken
relationships. Our insatiable desires get us into holes that are so deep we
can’t find our way out. Suddenly lawyers are involved. Our curiosity about
something becomes a full-blown addiction. Our world falls apart. And our
families and our communities suffer the consequences. And God weeps.
#3 – Truth Telling
How do we stay off this slippery slope? By telling the truth!
Jesus is the truth. When we start spotting lies and naming
them we start walking in the truth. When we walk in the truth we start building
trusting relationships. And when we start living in the truth we discover
healing.
Of course, someone will say, “You can’t always tell the
truth!” Just think of Jim Carrey’s movie, Liar,
Liar. Telling the truth all the time is hurtful!
Friends, there is a big difference between blurting out rude
thoughts and being truthful. What if the truth is that we are afraid? What if
the truth is that we don’t want to hurt anyone? What if the deeper issue is
that we hate confrontation? Do we defend our lies because it is hard to speak
the truth in love? Do we continue to lie in order to avoid facing truths that are
disappointing or upsetting? Do we justify our lies out of fear of the truth?
The truth is, every time we lie we hurt God. Lies violate
the one who created us. Lies create dividing walls between us and the One who
is the Truth – lies led to the crucifixion of Jesus Christ – lies lead to a
chaos that is not of God.
So, how do we become truth tellers?
I think we start by telling ourselves the truth. Journaling
is a profound way to create space for speaking the truth to ourselves. Anyone
who has ever kept a journal knows this. Here we can write about our deepest
fears, our greatest challenges, our unspoken desires. The pages of our journals
become a sacred space for truth telling and open our eyes to the lies we tell
ourselves.
Interestingly, studies have shown that people who keep
journals are much less likely to lie than people who do not keep journals.
Think about that!
Along with telling ourselves the truth, we become truth
tellers through confession. “Merciful God, we confess that we have not loved
you with our whole hearts.” Our silent confession needs to name our deceptions
before God. Openly and honestly. We need to confess our faults before God. And
then we need to claim the forgiveness we have received in the name of Jesus. We
need to embrace the freedom to be truth tellers granted to us through Christ.
Then, when we share the peace of Christ with others we affirm our desire to
walk in the light, to be children of the light, and to be the light for others.
Finally, we become truth tellers when we tell others the
truth. We need safe spaces to speak openly with a spouse or friend or counselor
or pastor about our desires, our doubts, our fears, our justifications. We need safe spaces to be vulnerable,
honest, real. We need each other. We need the body of Christ.
When the prophet told Naaman to go and wash in the Jordan
seven times, Naaman went away angry. It took his servant saying to him, “If the
prophet had commanded you to do something difficult, would you not have done
it? How much more, when all he said to you was, ‘Wash, and be clean’?”
Friends, we cannot undo ingrained patterns of behavior over
night, but with God all things are possible. Like Naaman, we need to acknowledge
our disease and desire healing. And then, like Naaman, we need to go on a
journey – seeking out the Great Healer. Our journeys may be easy or they may be
hard – we might initially go the wrong direction, as Naaman did. Ultimately, our
journeys will humble us. And when we finally reach the foot of the cross – when
we kneel before our Lord and cry for mercy – we need to believe and embrace the
simple truth: “You are forgiven!” We have been washed in the blood. We have
been made clean. We are beloved children of God. We are not alone. In the name
of Jesus Christ, we are forgiven.
