The Elephant

How do we name the elephant in the room? I suppose the first step is to have the courage to walk into the room. Right now it feels like I’m in the room all by myself. With the elephant, of course. And there it is, just staring at me with its tiny dark eyes, watching my every move. Maybe it is wondering, just like I am, what I am going to do.

Time passes. The silence is deafening.

And then a friend comes in and I am so thankful for the company. I know my friend can see the elephant, but she chooses to walk around it, acting like it isn’t there. We talk. About health. About work. About life. We even laugh. And then she leaves.

And the elephant is still there. The one we both ignored.

Another friend comes in. This time I am anxious because I know we need to name the elephant, but I fear she, too, will ignore it. Instead she acknowledges that she heard about the elephant and she stops and looks at it for a minute and then turns uncomfortably away.

I thank her for visiting. I am glad for the company. But the elephant is still there.

“Okay, God. I need your help. There is an elephant in the room and no one is talking about it! What am I supposed to do?”

Silence. But this time the silence is different. God is there. I am not alone.

Slowly the answer comes – in the form of a question. Why is it that God so often answers my questions with a question? “Why aren’t you talking about it?”

Honestly: “I don’t know where to begin.”

And then I am reminded of the parable of the four blind men and the elephant. Each blind man describes the one part of the elephant that he touches. Based on their limited experience of the elephant their descriptions are vastly different from one another. The tusk feels nothing like the tail; the ear feels nothing like the foot.

And God says, “Begin with what you feel.”

“Okay...”

I feel like I’ve been blindsided. I feel hurt. I feel uncertain. I feel afraid. I feel so very vulnerable. And, in all honesty, I feel shame. How could I have been so naive?

I feel like we need to talk about the elephant in the room, even though it is painful and so very uncomfortable. And more than that, I need you to support me, even if we disagree about what we see and feel. I’m tired of arguing. I just want to know that I am loved.

And God says, “So do they.”

"Duh."

So here is the invitation: Need to talk about the elephant in the room? If so, come in. Or invite me out, if that is more comfortable. It might be easier if the elephant isn’t staring at us. Let’s talk. Begin with what you feel. I’ll do my best to listen. And maybe, together, with time, we can figure out what to do about the elephant.