Prayer changes things. But prayers don’t always change things the way we think they should or the way we wish they would. Recently I read something that struck me as very true: Our prayers to God do not change God; rather, they change us. God works through our prayers to change our hearts and to open our eyes to see things differently. Prayer changes things.
Many years ago, a young man who I’ll call “John” walked into my physics classroom. He was handsome, tall, athletic, and filled with rage. He was typically late for class, causing a disruption as he bustled in with too many bags on his shoulder. He was not a typical physics student and I was not particularly happy about his presence in my class. I tried contacting his parents – unsuccessfully. I then worked with his counselor to learn his story. Problems at home had led him to leave his parents. He was currently living in his car. He didn’t have a calculator because he couldn’t afford one. And all those bags – well, he was carrying much of his life with him day in and day out.
I began to pray for John. I prayed for healing in his family so that he might go home. I prayed for him to be on time for class. Prayer changes things – but never the way we expect. Over the next two years I became his friend. He never was particularly good at showing up to class on time, but he showed up. And he never did go back to his family. I ended up supporting him as he did the painful work of becoming an emancipated minor. I looked the other way as he sold candy in class so that he could have some pocket money. I helped him apply to college. Prayer changed me so that I could love this young man.
A few years after this, I taught a ninth grade reading class for students who were reading on a third or fourth grade level. Most of the students in that class were fourteen years old. And then there was “Gabe”. He was seventeen – a man in a class full of boys and girls. I was afraid of Gabe. He was angry, disruptive, uncontrollable. If there was family, no one knew where. The counselors had no advice. There was nothing I could do but pray. I prayed for Gabe to skip my class so we could actually get some learning done. I prayed for him to drop out of school so I could find some peace.
Of course Gabe showed up every day. Over time, I learned that he had been in a gang since he was eleven years old. I learned that he wanted to lead a normal life – get married and have children, hold a steady job, live in a house with a fenced yard. He didn’t see this ever happening because of his gang activities. I learned that he was intelligent, creative, and insightful. He never ceased to be disruptive in class, but I was no longer afraid of him. I remember sitting with him in In-School Suspension one day. I had gone to help him with the assignment I had sent – but the teacher wouldn’t allow us to talk. So I just sat with him in silence for an hour. What an odd thing to do! The strange thing is that prayer changed me – I not only learned to love and respect this young man, but I began to seek out others in the school who were like him. I’m sure that my desire to work in the prisons today started with my prayers for Gabe.
There are many students I prayed for over the years, but after I began seminary my prayers changed. I no longer had the day-in-day-out interactions with troubled youth that drove me to pray. I now had a congregation to pray for and classmates to pray for – sometimes generally, sometimes specifically. And then God placed a young man in my path who needed a math tutor. I jumped at the opportunity for very selfish reasons. My studies in Bible and theology were filled with more questions than answers. Math is straight forward. I jumped at the chance to do something that had clear answers. And it was a joy to tutor this young man from a stable home who wanted my help.
I began to pray for this young man, who I will call “Jake”, simply because I was tutoring him. My prayers were not very specific because I did not really know what to pray for (and I had learned that often the things I pray for are the wrong things). While I certainly enjoyed the math, I found that the time I spent with Jake, simply building a relationship, was truly a gift. As I worked with him, I sensed a strong pull to continue my journey with him as he began college – a pull I resisted because it seemed like God was asking me to enter too deeply into this young man’s life. But God is persistent, and I have helped Jake in ways I never imagined I would. He is a joy and a blessing to me. God uses prayer to change us, to change me. God uses prayer to help us love people we never thought we would love. And for that I am truly thankful.
Three young men who touched my life. Three young men I will never forget. Three relationships that could have developed very differently if it had not been for prayer. And there are so many other people in my life – so many other relationships – that have been profoundly shaped by prayer. Shaped in ways I never imagined. Shaped in ways that only God could have envisioned. Our prayers to God do not change God; rather, God uses our prayers to change us. How has prayer changed you?
